One of my favorite classic Christmas movies is Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas” along with Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart. We’re all familiar with the classic “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” sung by Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye, but many will also remember Elvis singing “Blue Christmas” with his inimitable crooning. Apart from Elvis himself, why is this a popular song? Perhaps it is because the holidays are often difficult when we’re also dealing with loss in our life.
Often the perceived expectation is that everyone is always cheery around the holidays; we should all by jolly and bright, right? But that is not reality in a fallen, broken world where death is still the last enemy waiting to be put under the feet of Christ once and for all time at His return. If you’ve lost a loved one to death you know that Christmas is never the same. This is why the ministry GriefShare has a special help center for surviving the holidays: Christmas: A Reason for Hope – GriefShare. But there are other kinds of loss in this life that also impact us deeply, for instance the loss of your home or independence, the loss of a job or pet. Then there is the heart-wrenching loss of health or, worse yet, of hope—Can Christ help us in these hard places?
One very practical way that we are helped is to read and remember what really happened in the Biblical story of the Nativity—these were real people living in the real world and it was HARD. Reread Matthew 1:18-25 and 2:13-18 to see Joseph’s struggle and many mothers’ heartache; with fresh eyes meditate on Luke 1:26-38 and 2:1-7 and think of Mary receiving the announcement and hastening off to visit Elizabeth then returning 3 months later (obviously?) pregnant, then the unplanned trip to Bethlehem only to find no room in the inn even as she gave birth! Jesus’ own life was not one of ease and privilege; he knows hardship and humiliation (see Philippians 2:5-8; Matthew 8:20); Jesus knows what it is to suffer yet the promise is that He will never forsake you, He is your Good Shepherd (Hebrews 13:5; John 10:11; Psalm 23). Our perception of what Christmas means is too often shaped more by the consumer culture that we live in than we think. We mustn’t think of Christmas as if the perfect present perfectly wrapped pictures the reality of the Incarnation and the greatest gift of God’s own Son (see Isaiah 53).
Throughout the world we are all still dealing with COVID and the changing restrictions and continuing uncertainty in light of the variants that keep popping up. The sense of loneliness is especially difficult during the holiday season. One grieving person shared that they wish they could go to sleep before Thanksgiving and wake up after New Year’s Day—just skipping the whole thing. Do you ever feel like that? But we really can’t escape reality that easily; and as Christ’s followers there are not only lessons for us in suffering, but also opportunities.
“Count it all joy, my brothers [and sisters], when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. James 1:2-3 ESV
There are many good Christian books on grief, but allow me to share some excerpts from one of my favorites, A Grief Sanctified: Passing Through Grief to Peace and Joy, by J. I. Packer where he presents and illuminates Puritan pastor and author Richard Baxter’s brief Memoir of his beloved wife Margaret following her death.
“All life, said the Puritans, must be managed in such a way that it is sanctified; that is, all activities must be performed, and all experiences received and responded to, in a way that honors God, benefits others as far as possible, and helps us forward in our knowledge and enjoyment of God here as we travel home to the glory of heaven hereafter. Of the experiences to be sanctified, some are pleasant and some are painful. The Puritan labels for the latter are ‘afflictions’ and ‘crosses’; and bereavement, with the grief it brings, is one such.
“How may an experience be sanctified? By relating it to the truth of the gospel, so that we understand it in biblical and evangelical terms; by letting it remind us of truths we might otherwise forget, or not take it “Count it all joy, my brothers [and sisters], when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
“How may an experience be sanctified? By relating it to the truth of the gospel, so that we understand it in biblical and evangelical terms; by letting it remind us of truths we might otherwise forget, or not take it seriously; and by disciplining our hearts to accept it in an appropriate way – with gratitude or self-humbling or whatever.
“To what exercises of mind and heart (attitudes and actions) should the bereavement experience lead us? Said the Puritans characteristically, these three:
- The exercise of thanksgiving for all that we valued and enjoyed in the person we have lost and, in the case of a believer, for the happiness to which we know that he or she has now been promoted.
- The exercise of submission to God, as we resign to him the loved one he has taken from us, confess to him that we had no claim on the continuance of that loved one’s earthly life, and consciously put ourselves in his hands for whatever future experiences he has in mind for us.
- The exercise of patience, which is a compound of endurance and hope, as we live through our bereavement on a daily basis.”(1)
When we ourselves have suffered loss and know the pain of bereavement, do we see the opportunities to minister to others as one blessing that is uniquely ours to share? Many times part of the pain of suffering is thinking that no one else has ever suffered like us, that no one else could ever feel what we are feeling. But we as Christians have a Savior who does know! He is our “merciful and faithful high priest” (see Hebrews 2:17-18) who is able “to sympathize with our weakness” (see Hebrews 4:15). Jesus Himself invites us to come when we are weary for, “I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).
When we have been comforted by our gentle and good Shepherd we are called to comfort others with the Gospel Truth and God’s precious promises as well as testify to the reality of God’s faithfulness that we’ve experienced even as we’ve submitted to His Hand (see Job’s life and testimony).
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV
How shall we do this? How can we come alongside a friend or family member, a brother or sister in Christ, or an unbelieving neighbor or coworker or classmate? Again, I would commend the many good resources available, especially the little booklets that can be given if they’ve personally helped you. There are also a number of good helps when we don’t know what to do or say—Griefshare has a trifold pamphlet, “How to Help a Grieving Friend” with Scripture and bullet points to help us Listen, Say, Do, and What Not to Say or Do as well as a very good overview of What Does Grief Look Like? Nancy Guthrie, who knows the anguish of losing a child, has written the book What Grieving People Wish You Knew about what really helps (and what really hurts). And finally, let me point you to the late author, Kara Tippetts, who wrote with her fried Jill Lynn Buteyn in the midst of her (Kara’s) battle with cancer, Just Show Up: The Dance of Walking Through Suffering Together. Let me highlight just one quote from the introduction: “There is so much power in showing up, humble power in saying, ‘I’m here. I may not have the answers, but I’m here.’ Most often it’s those who come without answers or agendas who are the most helpful.”
So will we make time in our busy schedules which during this time of year are not only filled with everyday busyness but now are doubly full of holiday hecticness—decorating, shopping, parties, etc.—will we make time to stop and just show up? Job seemed most blessed by his friends when they came and sat in silence with him in his grief and sorrow (Job 2:11-13).
The E&O Committee has decided to make the LRPC mugs available to the congregation in time for Christmas; perhaps you might pick one up and put a few tea bags in it and take it to someone who needs a friend to show up without pat answers or religious cliches or somewhere else to be in 5 minutes. The suggested donation(2) is only $7.50 which seems like a relatively small price to pay if we can be a blessing and share the comfort of Christ this Christmas.
The E&O Committee has decided to make the LRPC mugs available to the congregation in time for Christmas; perhaps you might pick one up and put a few tea bags in it and take it to someone who needs a friend to show up without pat answers or religious cliches or somewhere else to be in 5 minutes. The suggested donation(2) is only $7.50 which seems like a relatively small price to pay if we can be a blessing and share the comfort of Christ this Christmas.
1 J. I. Packer, A Grief Sanctified: Passing Through Grief to Peace and Joy, (Ann Arbor, MI: Vine Books, Servant Publications, 1997), 187-1891
2 This is a suggested donation; if you need to take one, please do! And if you want to donate more, that will allow us to purchase more mugs
I’ll have a blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
Won’t be the same, dear
If you’re not here with me
And when those blue snowflakes start falling
That’s when those blue memories start calling
You’ll be doin’ all right with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas
You’ll be doin’ all right with your Christmas of white
But I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas
Songwriters: Billy Hayes, Jay Johnson